In the fall of 2015, I enrolled at Phillips Academy Andover, a boarding school just a few miles away from my home. I was enraptured by the school’s grandiosity; I would walk down the same pristine halls that George W. Bush, Olivia Wilde, and many others once did. Andover’s student population dwarfed my middle school’s (1,100 to 59), and its library alone contained more space than our entire school building. I grew up in a comparatively impoverished neighborhood, so it was life-changing for my family when I was accepted.
By all accounts, I had made it. Yet, my freshman year was marked by average grades, unhealthy stress, and the overwhelming feeling that I did not deserve my place at the school. I skirted around conversations regarding my grades, for fear that I would be “exposed” in front of my friends. Years later, I put a name to my emotional turmoil— imposter syndrome, or feelings of inadequacy despite one’s successes. Students that experience this phenomenon often feel like their successes are based on luck, rather than their own hard work and competence. This phenomenon often takes place when someone starts at a new job, or school. If you routinely compare yourself to your classmates, question why you were accepted by the school, or feel less prepared than other students, you probably are experiencing it.
I will outline the strategies that helped me overcome imposter syndrome, because I know thousands of students across the globe grapple with the same issue. My first piece of advice is to talk through your experiences with a trusted friend or adult. It sounds cliché, but articulating your feelings allows you to readily identify the problem, which is the first step in finding a resolution. A 2007 UCLA study revealed that verbalizing your thoughts lessens the intensity of anger, grief, and pain. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to an adult or friend, journaling can be just as effective. I used my school’s counseling office, wherein a counselor told me imposter syndrome was the most common concern of students, especially during the college application process. This helped me realize that my thoughts were “normal,” and that I had the agency to determine how they would affect me.
My second piece of advice is to recognize and disrupt thought patterns that exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. For example, I used to look back at my first-year grades with regret and fixate on my shortcomings. I would think, “If only I could have worked harder, then I would not be in this situation right now.” Instead of accepting the past and using it as a lesson, I wallowed in regret and self-pity. Imposter syndrome operates as a positive feedback loop; you have initial self-doubt, internalize these thoughts, which produces even more self-doubt. But, mindfulness, or the recognition of one’s thoughts, can shatter the cycle. I would consciously ask, “Do these thoughts help or hinder me?” If the latter, then I would shift my attention to a different subject or task. Eventually these pernicious thoughts would become increasingly infrequent.
Finally, I recommend adopting a healthier mindset towards grades. To put it simply, many students perceive grades as an evaluation of their character. When my first report card displayed primarily B’s and C’s, I felt unintelligent and idle among ostensibly hyper-conscientious aficionados. The truth is, I was as capable and hard-working as everyone else. However, I needed to develop efficient habits in order to improve as a student. Once I started perceiving grades as a trajectory of my growth instead of a reflection of my intelligence, my bout with imposter syndrome dissipated and my grades markedly improved. Imposter syndrome makes you feel like you’re unintelligent, unchangeable, and undeserving. Once you realize that you are capable of change, you become in control of your emotions and success.
